Misbehavior
by Fleurhana Ybel
Summary: Kuroko always appears impassive. Kuroko always act courteously. But what if Kuroko suddenly acts strange? Perhaps, it's all up to Seirin to tell the story... the tale wherein Kuroko gets hyper, Kagami is tsukkomi and the rest of the team finds a way to make everything return normal again. Mention of Caramelldansen. Crack-fic.
1. Chapter 1: Coffee

**Chapter 1**: Coffee

If there was a reason for Kagami to regret, then it would be that second that he dumped that can of coffee in Kuroko's hands. He did not know at first, but he was already too late anyway to change what had transpired. Who would've thought that his partner, the infamous shadow, had a strange (in)_compatibility_ with coffee?

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko poked him using the tip of the mechanical pencil.

"What?" Kagami faced him, twisting his body to give a stare at Kuroko who sat at the chair behind him.

"You do not like dogs, do you?"

"What the hell is that question?" Kagami raised an eyebrow. "Of course I freakin' hate them!"

"I see…" Kuroko answered, and his voice sounded so sagely. Kuroko wore a pondering look, before he fished something out his bag. "Here's Nigou, then." Kuroko dropped the dog atop Kagami's head, which created a very interesting response from the redhead.

"Ku-KUROKO!" Kagami yelled as he convulsed by the sensation of a dog near his body. He (literally) shook the dog in his head, which sent the poor animal flying back into the shadow's hands. "What are you doing, _teme_?!" He finally stood up from his seat, sending a dangerous look at his teammate. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

"Kagami-kun, why will I ever think of that?" Kuroko deadpanned, brushing Nigou's furry body who just dug his head deeper into his master's chest. Perhaps the dog was traumatized for being flung away by a violent force (Kagami in particular). "Nigou looks lonely."

"How can you even tell that the dog is lonely?!"

"Of course, Kagami-kun." Kuroko answered, looking quizzically at his partner. "If I stuff you in a bag, would you not feel lonely too?"

"Then why do you stuff your dog in your bag then?" Kagami retorted.

"Good question, Kagami-kun. Sometimes, you can really say smart things," Kuroko responded, which ticked the redhead.

With a quick shove, Kagami easily enveloped Kuroko's head under his hands, his red orbs narrowing towards the latter with irritation and disbelief. "You… _teme_…" He hissed. "You're not trying my patience, are you? Right? Right?" He muttered, leveling a really menacing glare down at Kuroko. However, his eyes widened when he noticed that the soft strands that he felt by his fingertips did not belong to Kuroko… but a dog that seemed happy at the touch of the ferocious redhead.

"GAHHH!" Kagami erupted again, immediately pulling out his hand from the dog's fur. He was practically shaking his hands as if he had touched a really, really filthy substance, his eyes threatening to spill some tears. "_My hand! My hand!_" He wailed, as if his hand would be rendered eternally useless.

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko slowly stood up from his seat, as he pulled his bag up and placed it atop his desk. He drew out a greenish plastic bottle, untwisted its cap and laid it out in front of his partner. "Do not overreact, Kagami-kun." He said. "Here, have an alcohol."

Kagami instantly placed his palms under the bottles nuzzle and waited for the liquid to drop, as Kuroko squeezed the item in his hand. As soon as the redhead felt the cool liquid upon his skin, he rubbed his hands together like mad, scrubbing his extremities as if wanting to erase even his skin. However, just seconds after he spilled the liquid all over his hands, Kagami smelled something odd.

He looked down at saw that his hands were now perfectly glazed in thick, gelatinous, film of some brownish liquid.

"_Barbeque_?" Kagami stared incredulously at his hands before he shot his eyes back at Kuroko.

"Oh, I thought that was alcohol in my bag." Kuroko answered, looking innocently at the bottle in his hand. "It's barbeque sauce,"

"What is that thing doing in your bag?!"

"I-It's not like I'm bringing it for you, Kagami-kun," Kuroko twisted his face and avoided Kagami's stare. "Please do not have some strange ideas."

"What the hell, Kuroko?! You're seriously scaring me!" However, Kagami finally discerned that the person he was speaking to vanished before him. The redhead began to look around him, whirling frantically just to discover where the hell his partner went to again. Fortunately, Kuroko made his effort a lot easier when said teen appeared beside him – without any warnings. "GAAAHHH!" Another blood-curling scream resounded all-throughout the classroom.

In fright, Kagami held out his hands, over his face, covering his eyes as if trying to block out the sight of a ghost. Nevertheless, because of his heightened anxiety, Kagami forgot that his hands were still covered with the sticky sauce. It was too late for him, with the sauce coating his face.

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko stood tall in front of the cowering redhead. There was a glint of amusement in his eyes, but there was also a telltale sign of incredulity floating inside those neutral orbs. "I never knew that you have some barbeque sauce _fetish_," Kuroko said, with an obviously audible at the end of his words. "As your friend, I promise that I won't tell it to the others, especially to Hyūga-senpai," he added, looking away from Kagami, shying away whatever expression the shadow was sporting on his face.

"HAA?!" Kagami retorted. "Barbeque _what_?!" He shouted. "Where the hell did you get the idea?!"

"Because… Because you were screaming like there is no tomorrow while you smear the barbeque sauce in your face… I thought––"

"NO! I don't want to hear it anymore!" Kagami cut Kuroko off, placing his hands in between him and the shadow. For heaven's sake, what was happening to Kuroko?!

"Kagami-kun," Kuroko called out once again, tilting his head to avoid the large hand plastered over his face. "I want to tell you that Nigou's favorite food flavor is barbeque."

Just as soon as he heard that, Kagami Taiga instantly dashed off from the classroom, with an excited pup trailing behind him. Kuroko observed from afar, slightly surprised that even Kagami could run faster than he usually did while playing basketball. Kuroko Tetsuya just shrugged off his shoulders upon seeing the weird display from his partner, while settling himself back at his seat. Perhaps, Kuroko would not mind Kagami's behavior for now. He just hoped that he would be alright during practice – they couldn't mess up with their dream to become Japan's number 1.

As he readjusted his desk, Kuroko noticed the can of coffee Kagami handed him earlier. He had only taken some few sips. _Better take more_… he said in his head, before he tipped the drink into his lips, gulping the coffee into his system.


	2. Chapter 2: Coffee - The Second Dose

**Chapter 2**: Coffee – the Second Dose

Kagami sucked in a huge volume of air as soon as he found a safe spot from the puppy of doom. Leaning at the cement wall behind him, the redhead tried to sort out the previous event that led him to run away for his life. The image of an overly weird Kuroko flashed in his mind, prompting him to shiver at the mere thought of it.

_Perhaps it was the coffee_, Kagami thought, concluding the cause of his partner's behavior. _He did say that he don't want to drink it_, he mentally said. Other than that, Kagami remembered that he hadn't washed off the barbeque sauce out of his face. He extended his head and peered at the surrounding, finally noticing that the chase had led him to Seirin's gym.

_I can use the wash area_, Kagami decided, as he slid the gym doors open and padded inside.

However, just as soon as he entered, a ball suddenly flew towards him. Kagami's reflexes saved him from a sure hit, which ended up with him catching the ball with his hand. The redhead noticed that it was his captain, the Clutch Shooter, Hyuuga Junpei. "Captain?"

"You're early, Kagami," Hyuuga said. He sounded amused. "Well, that just means you have Kuroko with you, no?"

"Captain!" Kagami's eyes widened at the mention of the name. "You don't have any idea! I left Kuroko out after he revealed that _hellish hound from hell_!" He recounted the story, Kagami shaking at the very memory of the dog, and of how he touched the dog, and of how he ended up smearing barbeque sauce in his hands… which was so uncool by the way.

"That sounds to me like Nigou," Hyuuga said, putting his hand under his chin. "Did you do something to Kuroko?"

"Why do you always make it sound that I'm the troublemaker?" Kagami whined.

"Because YOU are," Hyuuga said, prodding his index repeatedly at Kagami's chest. "By the way, I'm still the only one here. It seems that our class was dismissed earliest." He shared. "I was hoping to have a warm-up with you and Kuroko."

"I'm telling you, captain, there's something wrong with Kuro––"

However, Kagami's sentence was cut off when a presence suddenly appeared beside Hyuuga.

"I'm here, Captain."

Two loud screams were heard from the gym where Seirin basketball team always practiced. Unfortunately, Kagami was still holding the ball, and the sudden surprise led him to accidentally throw it upwards – which briefly stopped ascending at the optimum height. As potential energy is _mass _multiplied by the _acceleration due to gravity _multiplied by the _height_, the ball then possessed an X amount of energy as it fell back to the earth.

Unluckily, the ball's trajectory appeared to have arced back towards the still-petrified Hyuuga, from the scare he received from Kuroko. The ball descended in a force equal to the half of the _mass _multiplied by its _velocity squared_ – which probably meant '_**it's gonna hurt**_!' – and quickly hit Hyuuga squarely in his head.

Kuroko felt the impending threat approaching; he quickly dashed in front of his Hyuuga-senpai and muttered; "Watch out, Captain!" Kuroko tried to yell, but his voice did not cut out for such loud antics. Nonetheless, the strained tone from his voice told Kagami that Kuroko was serious about protecting his captain. Nonetheless, Kuroko's act of heroism was too late…

…by ten seconds.

Hyuuga Junpei had long fallen to the floor.

"_Teme_!" Kagami roared. "If you're going to save someone, help _**before**_ danger comes, not _after _it!" The redhead was unable to press on chiding Kuroko when he saw that the latter appeared mortified with what happened.

"Ka-Kagami-kun," Kuroko's tone was blank, as he shared a gaze back at the redhead. "I-I tried my b-best… but I was not able to save our senpai…" He bowed down, then suddenly sounding guilty. "I am a failure, Kagami-kun… even at my best I was not able to protect a friend…"

"This is so twisted!" Kagami just yelled again, pulling his hair off in annoyance. Seriously, if his coffee theory was correct, Kagami would burn any traces of the drink just for Kuroko's sake. Seeing the shadow act like that could make him crazy.

The redhead only approached their captain and checked him up. Knowing that his senpai was just knocked out cold by the ball, Kagami looked up at Kuroko and told him, "We just need to bring him to the cli––"

"This is bad, Kagami-kun." Kuroko was then pulled out from his dramatic world and knelt beside his partner. He would not say it out loud, but Kagami was amazed by the amount of care and respect his shadow had for their senpai. Just as he was about to wear a genuine smile on his face, Kagami's expression literally twisted when he saw…

…Kuroko unfolding a huge, black plastic bag and began to put in their captain inside it…

"W-What are you doing?!"

"But, Kagami-kun, if they saw Captain like this, they will blame us." Kuroko said innocently, as he reached out to nowhere, pulled something and pushed to Kagami a shovel that magically came from wherever. "We need to get rid of the evidence."

"THIS IS SO WRONG!" Kagami yelled.

"What's wrong, Kagami-kun?"

"HE IS NOT DEAD, for heaven's sake!"

"Oh…" Kuroko only muttered.

"HE'S JUST UNCONSCIOUS!"

"I-I thought he was dead." Kuroko said, as he stood up. "I thought he was. I trusted him, Kagami-kun," now – Kagami whined – Kuroko sounded depressed. "I trusted him to be dead, Kagami-kun. But… but Captain betrayed me. He isn't dead… He betrayed me…" Kuroko twisted his face away from Kagami. "I trusted the senpai-tachi, but it seems I can't trust them anymore…"

"Ah! Just shut up!" Kagami said out loud, protesting at Kuroko's weirdness. However, in the middle of his act of complaining, some cute barks echoed across the gym, which made Kagami cringed on the spot. The redhead gradually turned his head and saw that the hellish dog had found its way to the gym. Without any other choices left, Kagami took the opportunity and ran beside the still unconscious Hyuuga.

"I'm sorry, senpai." He apologized before he smudged his still barbeque sauce-glazed hands all over Hyuuga's face. Once satisfied, Kagami ran away from the gym to find another suitable hiding spot. The dog cutely ran inside the gym and was instantly attracted at the scent of the barbeque sauce on Hyuuga's face.

Nigou menacingly stood over Hyuuga's face, before his tongue tentacle-d over Hyuuga's face, molesting the oh-so-innocent countenance of Seirin's dear captain.

* * *

Kuroko finally noticed the can of coffee Kagami gave him earlier was now empty, and he felt some terrible sense of dread and lethargy all over his body – the coffee's effect was wearing out, he knew. Fortunately, just before his whole system trembled in weakness, two of his senpai, in the name of Koganei Shinji and Mitobe Rinnosuke, appeared inside the gym. Koganei quickly came over beside Hyuuga, watching with delight on how Nigou slurped all over his captain's face, his cat features being accentuated more with his delight.

Mitobe silently trudged over and then handed out a piece of food that Kuroko looked with curiosity. He looked up to his taller senpai, and, upon receiving a small smile, Kuroko took the item from Mitobe.

It was chocolate… but Kuroko did not notice the backside label.

…_**coffee-flavored**_.


End file.
